


Forget Me Not; Forget Him Never

by ElisabethMonroe



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2014-04-30
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:53:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 12,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962385
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElisabethMonroe/pseuds/ElisabethMonroe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been six months that Sebastian's been on his own. A soldier shouldn't be without a commander. Nor a pet without it's master or a lover without it's half. It had been two weeks since Mycroft captured the elusive tiger. A fighter should never go down from behind. A sniper should only die with secrets. </p><p>And to ensure that nothing else happens, this sniper sends himself in the habitat he'd been avoiding for the past six months. His own memories. Memories of Jim. Memories of being in love and being left.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Sebastian was coughing and spitting blood but nothing that the government official did was going to get him to say a damn thing. He only offered a snarky sarcastic grin that was almost a scowl. "Hurt your hand that time?" he asked, feeling blood gush from his nose again. "Aren't you bored yet?" He choked on blood and decided that speaking wasn't that important.

 He’d long since employed a favorite tactic of his. Being the masochist that he was, the sniper was able to find pleasure in his pain, blocking out the excess and focusing on something that made him happy, escaping the white room. Well, it had been white two weeks ago. Now it was a mixture of brown, red, and pink from his blood splattering over it.

 Six months Jim had been dead. The web was set to disband, all the members scurrying to the ends of the Earth, going back to whatever hole they’d crawled out of in the first place. Sebastian had made sure those stupid enough to talk were taken care of quickly. He didn’t care about the rest.

 And now here he was, being beaten and stabbed and cut and pasted over and over again. However, he was thoroughly lost in his own thoughts, brought back to years and years ago.

  _He’d been thirteen years old and just realizing that he liked boys a whole lot more than girls. He knew he couldn’t tell his father—that would bode ill for everyone—and had taken to spending most of his time outside on the grand estate that the Morans had owned for generations. He also frequented the small park nearby, watching people with a keen eye and writing down what he saw._

_It was in such a park that he first laid eyes on Jim Moriarty. Or, rather, the dark haired boy had laid eyes on him. Being a hunter since he could hold a rifle up, Sebastian knew when someone was watching him and that feeling was what made him turn around and look, catching dark, wide eyes. He smiled and waved and quickly clambered over the bench he’d been sitting cross legged on, note book forgotten as he ran to the other boy, skidding to a halt next to him, a mess of long, lanky, limbs that he still hadn’t quite learned to control yet._

_“Hiya!” he offered, holding his hand out with a marvelous smile. “I’m Sebastian.” He waited a moment before realizing that the dark haired boy wasn’t going to take his hand. He waved the limb slightly. “Ya’ know, when someone holds their hand out like this, it typically means shake,” he said with a small smirk._

_Those dark eyes locked with his own pale ones. “I’m quite aware what it means,” came the cool, hard voice.“I just don’t want to touch you.” He looked pointedly at the ink and dirt on Sebastian’s hand before sneering and looking up again. “Jim Moriarty, though. Hello,” he greeted with a nod. His hands folded behind his back and he straightened. His body waved slightly as he did so, so he looked more like a snake than a twelve year old boy._

_“Whattya doin’ out here on your own?” the older boy asked, cocking his head to the side and dropping his arm. “You’re just a kid.” As if their age difference wasn’t only a year. Still, the dark haired boy looked young and small. Sebastian knew he could break him with just one hit, but this Jim didn’t seem to be very threatening._

_“I’d say I’m far more capable of being on my own than you are, you moronic brute,” Jim sneered, lips matching the tone. “And, not that I need to prove anything to you, but my parents are fighting again and I’d rather not be caught in the middle of it.” He was tired of the screaming anyway. It scared him honestly, though no one would ever get to know that. It wouldn’t be long before he’d find Sebastian in a similar position to the one he took up during the fights._

_“I’ve been out on my own since I was eight!” the older boy bragged, nodding excitedly. And for the life of him, Jim couldn’t tell the difference between the boy and a puppy dog._

_“That’s fascinating, truly,” Jim mumbled, rolling his eyes, though a small sparkle lit behind his eyes. “I bet you aren’t wanted at home. Is that it, Sebby-dear?” he sing songed as he began to walk around Sebastian. “You don’t think you’re good enough for your father and you’re most certainly terrified about your little…excitement problem getting out.” He only briefly glanced down at Sebastian’s jeans but it was enough for the blond to understand._

_And still, that blond stayed right where he was, watching Jim with a morbid curiosity. He didn’t fight and he didn’t step away. “However,” the brunette said again, “you’re wrong. While your father pushes you and is a brute like you, he does care about you. He believes you do everything you do because you want to, so he pushes you further and harder every time. And your mother is very much so aware of your…interests. After all, she is a therapist and you tell her almost everything, don’t you, Basher? You’re such a mummy’s boy.”_

_With the finger prodded into his back, Sebastian spun on his company, baring his teeth and the other boy grinned. This. He wanted this Moran. The wolf rather than the puppy. “I’m nothing like that!” the blond snarled, shoving Jim away from him though he stepped closer to the other boy again. “I’m not a failure and I don’t like boys!” he shouted before looking around quickly, a blush staining his cheeks a dark crimson._

_Now the brunette held his hand out with a smirk on his lips. “Again, Jim Moriarty. Hiiii.” He waited for a reaction and when he got none, he stepped closer to Sebastian, getting in his personal space, their chests nearly flush. Though he was a good head and a half shorter than Sebastian, he managed to get his lips right next to the blond’s ear. “I can make you so much more, Sebastian, dear. Don’t fight me.”_

_The blond didn’t back away and only glared down at the other boy before clasping their hands between their bodies and shaking firmly once._


	2. Chapter 2

“There’s no use fighting it, Moran,” Mycroft sighed, wiping his bloody knuckles off on a towel before moving on to clean the blade he’d been using. Fascinating thing, if Sebastian was being honest. The Iceman’s favorite umbrella had a trick. Who knew? It was brilliant, really. The stupid thing was already three feet long and then a blade jumped out on top of that. Distance, accuracy, speed, the weapon honestly had it all.

The sniper spit blood before looking up at the governmental man through long tan eyelashes that had since been dyed pink. “There’s a fucking gorgeous Irish voice in my head that says you’re wrong,” he sang, though it came out broken and in between gasps for air. “He says there’s a spot in Hell for me if I hold on a little bit longer. I even get a free fuck if I can ruin your suit.” He spit blood again, aiming for Mycroft’s jacket.

When the red stain started spreading over the grey material, the blond was quickly sliced across the cheek. He looked up with a snarl and cry of pain, forcing himself to remember something else.

_He and Jim had known each other for a little over a month, meeting in the park or on the outskirts of the Moran estate. Much to Sebastian’s relief, the other boy slowly opened up to him more and meetings weren’t quite as hostile as they had been._

_It was on a day like this, where they were just laying out on the grass and staring at the sky—Sebastian forgetting about his parents and Jim forgetting about everything all together—that they’d both been awoken with a shout of Sebastian’s name. Both boys jumped up, blushing from the fact that they’d nearly been piled over the other, and panicking as the shouts got louder, angrier, and closer. Footsteps were heard somewhere in the thicket._

_Sebastian silently grabbed Jim’s jacket sleeve, tugging him away from the clearing and moving silently to the other side of the trees, towards the house. It was a practiced movement that let Jim know that Sebastian had done this many times and the soundless way the brunette moved made Sebastian wonder if his companion ever had to run away from someone._

_By the time the boys got to the backyard, they were running, their long fingers grappling for the other’s wrist as Sebastian led Jim to a window and quickly shimmied it open. Jim was pressed nearly flush to Sebastian’s back, terrified of getting caught. His face was buried between the older boy’s shoulder blades, clutching to his shirt tightly. He’d seen Sebastian’s father and heard about him. And now he was about to be caught trespassing on his property while the man was in a particularly bad mood._

_Sebastian quickly clambered into his room, sticking his torso out again and holding his arms out to Jim. “Come on! I can pull you in,” he said, waving his arms. Jim ran into the embrace, small chest vibrating with his racing heartbeat and only started shaking once they were safely in Sebastian’s room. The blond quickly shut the window and pulled the curtain to before kneeling next to Jim’s shivering form, holding him tightly. He wasn’t sure why they were so scared, they hadn’t done anything wrong, but it didn’t negate their quiet tears._

_“You’re safe,” Sebastian murmured softly, rubbing Jim’s back. “You’re safe. I’ve got you. I’ll protect you,” he promised, rocking them softly. It would not be the last time they were locked in this position with the same words being muttered over and over again._

_When the door downstairs slammed open and then shut, Sebastian quickly pulled away from his friend, both of them scrambling for under the bed. Jim was able to slide under with his smaller body but Sebastian had to quickly jump on his bed to avoid giving Jim away._

_The elder Moran stormed into his son’s room, grabbing Sebastian roughly by the arm. On that first day, Jim had been right about a great many things, but Augustus loving Sebastian was not one of them. Yes, Sebastian was a mummy’s boy, but only because he couldn’t be close to his father._

_“Sebastian Augustus!” his father yelled, holding onto Sebastian’s upper arm and shaking his son until Sebastian bit his tongue and tasted blood immediately. “How many times have I told you that you will respond within the first minute that I call for you?” he demanded, fingers of his free hand going to grip Sebastian’s hair roughly._

_“I-I don’t know, sir,” Sebastian bit out. He was terrified, not for himself, but for his friend hiding under the bed. Mr. Moran’s temper wouldn’t be quelled if he saw that someone saw what he did in the privacy of his own home. He could only put on the saintly front for so long and that so long ended when he was no longer Ambassador Moran in front of millions of people. When the skills he’d accumulated over a highly decorated military career went to the violent side and he had to take it out on his thirteen year old son._

_“Are you fucking stuttering?” he growled, getting closer to Sebastian’s face. The boy whimpered and squeezed his eyes shut. He didn’t want to be brave right now. His mother wasn’t home, there was no one who had to see this. No one but Jim and the longer he was brave, the longer his father stayed in his room, near the other boy, and Sebastian wasn’t going to have that. “Oh, are you going to cry like a fucking girl right now?” his father scoffed before shoving Sebastian hard against his dresser._

_The boy hit his head solidly before crumbling against the floor, blood already flowing from the gash in his forehead. Jim was petrified, holding stock still, hand over his mouth to buffer his non-existent breathing. When Sebastian fell, he jumped and stared with wide dark eyes, praying that he was okay and slowly covering Sebastian’s fingers with his own while the blond’s hand was under the bed and out of sight. He let out a silent breath when Sebastian’s fingers curled under his._

_Sebastian groaned slightly, desperately wanting to have just passed out. He slowly struggled to his knees and elbows before he was kicked in the stomach, sending his back into the corner of the dresser. He cried out in pain, curling into a ball and covering his head with his arms while the kicks continued to come._

_It was ten minutes before Augustus stopped his assault, spitting on the younger Moran and mumbling about ‘a fucking pansy arsed son’._

_Jim slowly crawled out from under the bed a moment after the door shut—which, for a terrified twelve year old, was a gutsy move—and slowly pulled Sebastian into his arms, letting the blond cry into his shirt as he held onto his head with the blond’s arms around him._

_“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I can be stronger,” the elder sobbed into Jim’s chest. “I’m not weak. I’m not weak. I’m sorry.”_

_“Shhh, Sebastian, it’s okay. It’s okay. We’re fine. We’re safe. I’ve got you,” he murmured softly, tears spilling down his own cheeks as he petted Sebastian’s hair. “We’re going to be fine. You’re safe. I’ve got you.”_


	3. Chapter 3

Sebastian was broken of his reverie as fire was poured over his skin. Or, at least, it felt like fire. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?!” he snarled, straining against his bonds as he fought violently to see Mycroft behind him. His question was answered as the elder Holmes threw an empty rubbing alcohol bottle in the corner of the room.

“We wouldn’t want our favorite guest to die, now would we?” the man asked in a purr, running his long, thin fingers over Sebastian’s bare, burning shoulders.

The sniper let out a high pitched keen at the feeling, eyes squeezed shut in pain. It had been two weeks. He got to be weak for a little bit. So long as he didn’t give anything away. Besides, he was lost with the sensation of someone else’s fingers on his back.

_When they were fifteen when Sebastian experienced his first heartbreak. Jim had told him over and over that his uni aged ‘boyfriend’ didn’t want anything more than sex, but Sebastian had jumped head first in it and had fell helplessly in love with the green eyed, brown haired boy with his strong arms and the scar across his lips that the blond swore he still felt pressed to his back._

_Jim still wasn’t surprised when he went over to his friend’s house—after receiving a stressed text from the older boy—and found him curled up on the couch, sobbing into his hoodie and shaking. Jim sighed and moved to sit cross legged, facing Sebastian and pulling his head into his lap, stroking through his hair gently. “Sebastian,” he breathed, shaking his head. “He’s not worth it. That boy was useless. You’re better off without him,” he murmured, shaking his sleeve down to wipe at Sebastian’s tears and rub his back gently._

_“I-I-I loved him,” Sebastian whimpered, pressing his face into Jim’s stomach and letting out a broken sob. He gripped at Jim’s shirt, needing to feel his friend so close. “I-I-I-I g-ga-gave him what he wanted. I don’t understand. What did I do?”_

_“Nothing, Seb. You didn’t do anything. You’re fine. You’re fucking perfect,” Jim sighed, shaking his head again. “He’s the wrong one. He’s just fucking stupid.”_

_Sebastian shook his head. “I musta done something wrong. I fucked up somehow. I ruined it.” He fell quiet, movements almost pausing entirely. “I…I…I wouldn’t fucking…blow him…”_

_Jim went stock still before gripping Sebastian’s chin roughly between his thumb and the knuckle of his forefinger. “Sebastian Augustus Moran, you listen to me and you listen well,” he growled lowly. Sebastian almost flinched away. “That is not your fault. He is a sick, sick person to leave just because of that. No one deserves that kind of relationship, no one can force you to fucking blow them. Do you understand me?”_

_Sebastian looked up at Jim with wide, blue eyes before slowly nodding. “You’re right, Jimmy. I’m sorry,” he said before his eyes fell to the couch. Jim let out a breath and shook his head before standing up._

_“Do you have any food in here?” he asked, bouncing around the couch and strolling into the kitchen. He pulled the refrigerator door open without waiting for an answer and smirked at the contents before pulling out pizza and Chinese along with old French fries and a bag of chocolate that the boys were always forbidden from touching as regulated by Mrs. Moran._

_Sebastian watched with a curious gaze as his best friend manipulated his kitchen, wiping at his face as he did so and laughing, though it was choked, when the brunette cursed at the microwave. “Jimmy, you’ve gotta hit the Time Cook button first,” he called out, standing up and wrapping an afghan around his shoulders._

_“Shut up, Moran,” Jim snapped back, though he was smiling. “Just put on a movie. That one we were watching the other day about the nerdy girl and the punk guy. I like that one.”_

_“Yes, my king,” Sebastian sang sarcastically, moving to the huge TV system and pushing several different remotes to get the reaction he wanted before sticking one of his favored movies in. Jim and he had promised not to ever tell anyone the other enjoyed it, after all, their social status was barely hanging on to Sebastian’s rugby skills and cute smile. Said rugby player threw himself against the couch when he was done and Jim joined him a few minutes later, grumbling and cursing under his breath about hot plates and bowls._

_“Honey, you should see me in a crown!” Jim shot back as he set down the food on the wooden table in front of the couch and crawled into his former spot so that Sebastian’s head rested in his lap again. “Eat. You look like you haven’t moved for days,” he teased, shoving Sebastian’s head slightly._

_Sebastian shoved him back and grabbed a slice of pizza, eat it while lying down. “Thank you,” he said softly after a while of silence._

_“Shhh,” Jim reprimanded, swatting at Sebastian’s nose though he smiled lightly, eyes never leaving the screen._

_It was thirty minutes later that Jim had fallen asleep and Sebastian was nearly there but found enough energy to sing along to the last song. “Don’t, don’t you…forget about me. No, don’t, don’t you forget about me.” He glanced up at Jim, grinning at the other boy’s sleeping innocence before fist pumping the air._


	4. Chapter 4

It was dark when Sebastian came to after his last beating. For a crazy moment, Sebastian thought he’d been killed and the only thing he could think was a relieved ‘finally’. But, the pain was still there and he was still breathing so it couldn’t be that. Then Mycroft had blinded him. What’s the easiest way to make a sniper useless? To leave him in his own hell? Take away his sight, obviously. Fingers could be replaced, eyes couldn’t. However, the colours dancing in his vision, taking on shapes of past memories let him know that he was fine and the only thing wrong—besides his entire fucking life—was that he was now blindfolded. Quite well, as he could hear the door open but could see no light.

“My, my, Mr. Moran, aren’t we just up early today?” Mycroft purred as a hand ran down his chest again, catching every slice on his chest. Sebastian quickly caught the wrist in a furious bite and jerked his head away quickly, hearing the wonderfully sick sound of skin tearing. Rumbled curses—most definitely not Mycroft’s—were heard before Sebastian was punched several more times in his already unrecognizable face.

“Brutus, dear, let’s not get carried away,” Mycroft tutted, shaking his head and watching Moran carefully. “He’s a criminal, not a punching bag.”

The assault stopped and Sebastian quickly spit out blood and bits of skin and flesh that had been bitten off in the process. Not only his and not only Brutus’s. He couldn’t breathe through his nose at this point and his entire face was throbbing, but that was fine. He had nothing to say to Mycroft anyway. No, a different sensation, different words were on his lips.

_By the time Sebastian had turned seventeen, the entire school adored him. Not that that kept him from being called a slut or anything. It was funny how that worked. Styles, with his long line of girls in his past and well into his future, was labelled a hero, a god among men in the school. Adler, with her many conquests and one constant, was called a whore and, on one occasion, someone who deserved to get raped. That kid ended up in hospital for two months and had slipped into a coma. Not that, you know, Sebastian had anything to do with that, of course. But, Sebastian, with his guys and his girls, was just seen as a slut who got around rather quickly and was quite well known for not being above getting paid for it. Since he was fifteen, he refused to let feelings get involved and it had helped, really. Nobody held it against him, like they did with Adler. No one praised him for it, like they did with Styles. He was just Sebastian Moran: Walking Boner. And, truthfully, he didn’t care. He fucking loved sex. Being dominated or dominating. Quick fucks or staying all night. Blow jobs, hand jobs, or just jacking off together. In the locker rooms, under desks, in beds, on floors, against walls. Kinks or not. He had no boundaries and he’d become very good at what he did. The Basher Moran Special, some people called it. Kids would come from seven campuses over to see him. And he fucking loved it. Lived off of it._

_But, above all else, Jim was next to him. Laughing at the teasing and fighting the bullying. With Sebastian on his nights off, hanging out in the hallways together, eating, and still getting each other through everything. They were just best friends. And, Sebastian tried to convince himself several times, best friends didn’t get off by thinking of best friends. That was just wrong. Friends were friends and fucks were fucks. For Sebastian, there was no in between. He didn’t keep in contact with his fucks and he didn’t fuck his contacts, it just didn’t happen._

_And even though he was so confused it made his head hurt, Sebastian stayed by Jim just as stead fastly as his friend stood by him. Whether it was drawing up schemes or listening to rants or worrying about Jim’s creepily thorough knowledge of murder, Sebastian was there. Just like today._

_Jim had been off all day. He’d hardly talked, disappeared during lunch only to be found in the middle of the road, laying down and staring at the sun, and had skipped eighth period which was his only full class with Sebastian. The boys had promised they’d always show up to that class, if none other._

_Sebastian knew where to look and easily sank into the seat across from Jim in the library, alternating between staring at Jim’s face and trying to read his book upside down. He managed to decipher that it was about chemical reactions and, on this page particularly, poisons. He waited ten minutes of Jim not moving or turning a page to reach out and take his friend’s hand between both of his own. “Jimmy?” he said softly, looking at the brunette and having to duck his head to see his eyes. Jim didn’t react. He didn’t look up or move or pull his hand away, just kept staring at the book. “Jim? Are you gonna tell me what’s wrong?” the blond asked, spreading the other boy’s fingers against the table and listing off bones to himself. Might as well make a study day of it._

_Still, the boy did nothing. With a sigh, Sebastian stood up, hooking his fingers in Jim’s and pulling the younger up as well. “Come on then,” he muttered. Jim looked surprised for a brief moment, allowing Sebastian to pull him so they were chest to chest. His stomach fluttered as the larger boy’s hand fell to his hip and held their other one out._

_There was a slight pause as Sebastian let go of Jim’s hip to scroll through his phone, but it was remedied by Jim’s favorite song being played out of the speakers of the boy’s phone._

When you try your best, but you don’t succeed.

_Sebastian expertly began to twirl them in the confined space, leading Jim as if he were born to. Which, to be fair, he was born in it so it’s kind of the same thing._

When you get what you want, but not what you need.

_Jim was barely keeping up with Sebastian, hours of dancing alone in his room being the only thing that made this halfway possible. They’d been friends forever, though, and knew how the other could move._

When you feel so tired, but just can’t sleep.

_Jim almost yelped as he was dipped down, clawing at Sebastian’s shirt and glaring at the other boy who grinned at him._

Stuck in reverse…

_Sebastian easily manipulated the space around them, dancing Jim out into the aisle and into the more open reading area without missing a beat._

And the tears come streaming down your face.

_Another dip. Jim was much more flexible this time, bending over and letting his too long hair brush the ground._

When you lose something you can’t replace.

_Sebastian drew the boy back up before spinning him out so they were barely holding onto their fingertips and the younger boy spun back into his arms, pressed against Sebastian’s chest, the blond’s arms wrapped tightly around him._

When you love someone but it goes to waste.

_Their lips were breaths apart, hearts beating to the same melody, chests heaving, so incredibly wrapped up that Sebastian nor Jim could tell where he began and the other ended._

_“Could it be worse?” Sebastian breathed, eyes locked on Jim’s, noses brushing. For a moment, everything stopped and Jim was able to see everything about his best friend. The scars and bruises from rugby and the boy’s father. The thin trail of blond hair along his jaw that couldn’t actually be considered a beard by the school’s rules. The bend in his nose where he’d broken it so many times. The line of slight perspiration on his upper lip from their activities._

_Then the boys were kissing. Passionately. There was no hesitation, no questions or looks because they both knew that the answer was a fantastic, resounding ‘no’. Nothing could be worse than losing the one you love because you were being stupid and scared. Jim Moriarty and Sebastian Moran were anything but scared._

_It was only when Sebastian’s ribs felt like they were going to snap from lack of air and puncture a lung that he finally pulled away. The questioning look came now, as he stared at Jim’s dark eyes. The smaller boy grinned widely. “Took you long enough, Moran,” he snapped, wrapping his arms around Sebastian’s neck and kissing him again._

_Sebastian complied, arms going around Jim’s waist. “Feel better now, Moriarty?” he asked with a slight smirk, resting their foreheads together when Jim broke away._

_“Much better,” Jim breathed, playing with the hair at the nape of Sebastian’s neck. “You were always good at that, though, weren’t you?”_

_The blond was about to answer before the shrill screech of the librarian’s voice broke through their fuzzy, love lost thoughts._

_They were a laughing mess as they grabbed each other’s hands and grabbed their bags before running as fast as they could together._


	5. Chapter 5

Something cold was being pressed to Sebastian’s elbow and wiped up and down. “Are you sterilizing my arm for a fucking injection?” Sebastian growled, head snapping up though he still couldn’t see due to the blindfold.

 

“Very keen. I see why he kept you around,” Mycroft taunted before nodding to Brutus to begin prepping the injection. “Though, I imagine this is a familiar feeling to you. You’ve quite the colourful medical history, don’t you, Mr. Moran? Not to mention recreational. We can track you buying since you were…” Papers were rustled. “Fifteen.” Mycroft tsked. “Far too young to throw away your life. In fact, you sold for a bit after the discharge, didn’t you? Just to make ends meet. You were two thousand pounds short on your last ‘job’ and you were beaten until you couldn’t move. Checked into St. Anthony’s but never checked out and never bought or sold again. You weren’t even seen again, were you? You met him then.”

 

Sebastian had started to panic when Mycroft knew so much about him, already trying to think how the man could possibly know. But it was obvious, wasn’t it? He had access to anyone and any security tape in the world. If the empire wasn’t going, the tech geeks weren’t keeping them hidden anymore. It was all out there. He forced a smirk though. “Of course I met him then. He’d been watching me. It was easy enough to get out and ever since then, nothing’s been the same,” he purred. It was lie. If Mycroft didn’t know about how long they’d been together, he didn’t need to. Sebastian wasn’t short money; it was a dirty job that nearly got Sebastian killed.

 

Mycroft rolled his eyes and nodded for Brutus to start the injection. “You’re going to feel a slight pinch then you’re going to see a lot of things that make you happy before you start to tell us everything you know.”

 

“Ain’t a lot that makes me happy,” Sebastian scoffed, feeling the injection. Hell if this wasn’t going to be a wild ride.

 

_A month after their grand escape, Sebastian and Jim were still inseparable. It was the biggest shock that the school wasn’t surprised by. Honestly, it was going to happen eventually. But, holy fuck, it really happened._

_They continued to spend their weekends at each other’s houses and this weekend was Sebastian’s place. His father was off in India with Sebastian’s mother and his brother had been accepted into an early start program at Eton, so the house was theirs._

_They’d collapsed on the couch as they so often did, food scattered around and a movie playing. Jim was propped against the arm of the couch. Sebastian’s head rested in his lap, Jim’s legs over Sebastian’s shoulders and the blond’s arms around Jim’s ankles to continue typing the essay he desperately needed to finish. Laid out in a straight line like that, it was hard to imagine how they’d ever untangle themselves._

_Jim tossed his phone aside with a deep sigh. Sebastian knew exactly what was coming. “Booooooored,” the brunette moaned while Sebastian mimed the same word. But, the blond shut his laptop, setting it down on the ground and turning over to press gentle kisses to Jim’s stomach._

_“What do you want me to do about that, James?” he purred with a smirk, looking up at Jim through his ridiculously long, sandy eyelashes._

_“I don’t care, Sebastian,” he shot back, crossing his ankles under Sebastian’s chest. “Just do something. This movie is doing nothing for me.”_

_An explosion sounded from the accused movie but Sebastian silenced it, pressing against Jim’s shirt until his nose was able to lift it and he started to press soft kisses along Jim’s faint happy trail, pausing at his waist band before pulling Jim’s zipper down with his teeth. He felt Jim’s breath hitch, stomach tightening and he smirked. He pressed kisses along Jim’s thighs before nuzzling against the younger’s crotch, mouthing at his growing errection through his underwear. Jim gave a low moan, hands falling to tangle in Sebastian’s hair._

_They were both eerily calm for two people who’d never been sexually intimate together. Hell, Jim was still a virgin. But they knew each other. Knew how the other moved and what they liked. Jim trusted Sebastian to not hurt him. They were safe together._

_“Basher, are you really going to let our first time be on your couch?” the brunette finally managed as he felt Sebastian start to tug on his pants. Sebastian laughed slightly, glancing up at Jim with a quirked eyebrow before moving to kiss Jim again, supported by his hands, body swaying over his boyfriend’s slightly._

_Then he was standing and Jim was held to his chest and they were moving to Sebastian’s room. Jim kissed and sucked at what of Sebastian’s chest he could reach before he felt the familiar sheets under his back. It felt odd to be defrocked on Sebastian’s bed. They’d done so much since they were so young. In a way, it made sense that their next step was taken here, but still. For the love of all that’s good, he’d thrown up on this bed before._

_As if Sebastian could read his thoughts, he chuckled from where he was straddled over Jim’s torso, swaying again like a fool drunk off of happiness. “You know, all these years and you’re the only person who’s been in my room for…this,” he murmured softly, leaning down to kiss Jim again._

_“And no one ever will be again,” Jim warned and promised, leaning up to meet Sebastian half way. And that was all Sebastian needed to know that Jim wanted this just as badly as he did._

_~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~_

_Sebastian mindlessly traced designs into Jim’s chest and shoulder, kissing each invisible tattoo when he was done while the other stared at the ceiling with a goofy smile on his face. While Jim was flat on his back, one arm under his head and the other resting across his chest, Sebastian was propped up on an elbow, memorizing everything his lips had just felt._

_“That was fantastic, Moran,” Jim teased slightly after a moment of easy silence._

_Sebastian grinned at Jim, leaning down to kiss him softly. “I know it was, Moriarty. Happy I could oblige.”_

_“Bash?” Jim asked quietly, seriousness returning to his eyes, though they stayed open and inviting. Sebastian hummed in response, drawing a heart over Jim’s heart and tracing the boy’s jawline with the bridge of his nose. “Would you leave me?” the brunette asked even quieter._

_Sebastian pulled away quickly, staring down at Jim with a furrowed brow, light hues darting around as they tried to find the joke in Jim’s words. “No,” he finally breathed out, shaking his head vigorously. “I couldn’t…God, Jimmy…I just…fucking couldn’t. I need you. Whether we’re laughing or crying or fighting or fucking or talking or anything. I need you in my life. And for the past month, I’ve been able to see how fucking fantastic life can be. I mean, God, you saw me. I don’t have an issue using drugs and alcohol to get away. But, fuck, with you, all I’ve got to do is look over at you and I’m fucking ecstatic. I haven’t touched drugs or alcohol for the past month and I’m down to, like, three fucking cigs a day.” He sighed, lip jutting out in a pout before he sat up quickly, on his knees over Jim. “It’s like my brain is going in seven different directions at a billion kilometers an hour and I see you and it’s just…Jim.” He finished with a single breathed word, looking at Jim to see if he got it yet._

_Jim was staring at him, dark hues locked on Sebastian as he now searched for the joke. “Bash…I just…I love you,” he finally cried, throwing his arms around his best friend and holding onto him tightly. He didn’t fucking care if it was too early to say it. They were different. They were special._

_Sebastian wrapped his arms around Jim too, rubbing his smooth back. “I love you too, Jimmy. I always have and I always will.”_


	6. Chapter 6

“You’re riding quite the wave, aren’t you, Mr. Moran?” Mycroft hummed happily, smirking as he leaned back on his umbrella. Sebastian weakly spit at Mycroft, head lolling back as the drugs really took effect over him. He wasn’t even sure what the fuck he’d told the government at this point. He kept zoning in and out. He’d forgotten what it felt like to be drugged. Even at the hospital, they usually couldn’t give him a large enough dose to keep him sedated or even just annihilate the pain.

 

“You’re really somethin’ else, ya know that?” Sebastian spat, trying to glare at the other man and failing. His eyes just fell shut. He’d regressed into the accent that his father hated and beaten him for many times.

 

“Oh, Mr. Moran, you have no idea what I’m capable of. Just you wait and see. Now, tell me, what exactly was it that kept Moriarty’s empire running?” he asked, studying Sebastian’s legs and moving his untied one with the tip of his umbrella. Huh, how ‘bout that? His leg was free. When did that happen?

 

“I ain’t telling ya feckin’ shit,” the blond snarled.

 

Mycroft rolled his eyes and sighed dramatically. “Brutus, do be a dear and bring in our guest.” Guest? Oh, now this was interesting.

 

Sebastian waited patiently and chewed on his lower, swollen lip. In all fairness, his entire face was swollen. This is the same face that fell as soon as he heard the single breathed, “Seb…” The ex-colonel fought viciously to see behind him but it was taken care of when the other came in front of Sebastian, squatting in front of the blond, hands resting easily on his knees. “What the hell did you get yourself into?”

 

“Sevvy…what the feck are ya’ doin’ here? Have ya’ been feckin’ watchin’?!” Sebastian cried, even more heartbroken then he had been. That seemed to be the problem of having a heart of ice. As soon as one crack appeared, as soon as one chunk fell off, the rest came shattering down after it. He’d known his brother had gone into the military after him. He knew that they weren’t on speaking terms. He knew that for all intents and purposes, they were complete opposites. But this? Really?

 

“No, Seb…you can’t believe that. I didn’t know. I just knew that it was one of the most wanted. One of the dangerous ones. I just got granted double oh status... I couldn’t argue. They don’t totally trust me yet. I’m so sorry.” Severin was a stuttering mess trying to reason with his brother and Sebastian wasn’t interested in the show.

 

“I should’ve feckin’ known! Ya’ve always ratted me out! Always to save ya’ own feckin’ arse!” he yelled, wanting nothing more than to actually kill his brother after this. “Is that how they found ‘im?! Did ya’ tell them where I feckin’ called you from?! Did he go through a month of torture because ya’ feckin’ wanted a promotion?!”

 

Severin fell to his knees, straightening up and gently holding his brother’s face in his hands, not minding the blood. “Sebby, Sebby, please, calm down. You’re my brother. I was trying to help. I just wanted you safe again. I wanted you to be happy.”

 

“Happy?! Do I feckin’ look happy to you?!” he screamed, jerking his face from his brother’s gentle hold and enjoying the pain that came with it. “I know ya’ was fuckin’ watchin’, did I look happy then?!”

 

“Seb…Bas…Bastian…you know that’s not what I meant…” Severin’s pleas were lost to Sebastian as he finally fell into the happy relief of his memories.

 

_An eighteen year old Sebastian woke up in discomfort and on a couch, a body pressed against his and a phone ringing. The blond smiled, kissing Jim's hair as he tried to use the hand that wasn't draped around Jim's shoulders to silence the movie they'd been watching and answer his phone, picking at Jim's hair as he listened to the voice on the other end._

_Jim stirred as Sebastian shifted, letting out a high pitched whine before looking up at his lover. A wicked smirk curled his lips and he turned over on Sebastian’s chest, beginning to litter kisses over his shirt._

_Sebastian smiled, swatting affectionately at Jim’s nose before making a face. “Bastard hung up on me,” he grumbled, pulling Jim up for a soft kiss. Jim didn’t let this distract him as he continued unbuttoning Sebastian’s shirt. He glanced at the phone when it rang again and moved back down the other’s body. Sebastian answered again, rolling his eyes. However, when Jim started sucking at his chest in various places—over his nipples, on his ribs, towards his collar bones—he couldn’t help the sounds of pleasure and the faint laughs that followed the cursing on the other line._

_“Yes, yes, I’m listening to you, Sev. Yes, of course I’m with Jim,” he said, running his fingers through Jim’s hair and pulling his head away by his hair. Jim let out a childish whine but stopped when Sebastian’s face fell. “Sev, you’ve got to lie to him. You’ve got to tell him that I’m at Reen’s or something. I don’t care that he might already know. Fucking lie!”_

_Jim clambered off of Sebastian, standing up and looking at Sebastian with wide eyes. “Bash, what’s going on?” he asked, wringing his hands over his stomach and tugging at the sleeves of his shirt, a nervous habit._

_Sebastian said nothing as he stood and looked around for anything he needed before heading to the door, Jim following. “My father knows I’m here…I don’t know…Sev might’ve told him.” Sebastian spoke as if he were answering unheard questions._

_Jim pulled him closer and leaned up to kiss him. “You know you can stay here, yeah? Come back if anything happens. Please, don’t do anything stupid, Seb,” he muttered, melting against Sebastian’s chest as the other pulled him closer and kissed him again._

_“No promises, Jimmy,” he said. “I’m killing him if he fucking touches me again.” The blond shook his head and tightened his jaw._

_“You know that’s not true,” Jim pointed out with a small amount of sadness in his voice. “I’m coming with you. You can’t do stupid shit if you have to take me home. And if something happens to you, I’m right there.” He rubbed a hand over Sebastian’s chest and started buttoning his shirt again, laying kisses over the other’s new forming marks._

_Sebastian allowed the delay, rubbing Jim’s arms as he held him. “Come on, Jimmy, let’s go,” he said softly, pulling Jim out to his car. He opened the other’s door for him and let him in before quickly getting in the driver’s side and peeling away._

_It was a silent ride, though, half way there, Jim reached over and pulled Sebastian’s white knuckled hand in his own and held tightly to it. He cringed every time Sebastian took a turn too quickly or cut someone off or nearly clipped a person or mailbox. “Fuck’s sake, Seb, please slow down. I’d much rather spend a few more years with you, yeah?” he asked, looking up at the blond. Sebastian simply squeezed his hand, didn’t even look over, and kept driving—at a more reasonable speed this time._

_When they finally got to the Moran Estate, Sebastian was shaking. “He’ll kill me,” he said, looking at the house. He flinched when he heard shouting all the way out in the car._

_“Hey, hey, look at me,” Jim said, undoing his seat beat and leaning over to his boyfriend. “You’re safe as long as I’m here, yeah? He won’t hurt you. He won’t.” He kissed Sebastian quickly but passionately, holding onto the other’s face and pulling him ever closer, enjoying the sound his fingers made on the rough stubble._

_Sebastian’s fingers tightened in Jim’s shirt before he slowly pulled away. “Stay on the floor. Grab my jacket if someone comes outside.” He kissed him again and let Jim slide into the other seat again, wrapping Sebastian’s letterman around his shoulders. “I love you, baby,” the blond said, looking at Jim one last time before closing the door and walking into the house._

_He didn’t make it far into the house before he was being shoved against the wall. “Where the fuck were you?” the elder man growled._

_Sebastian glanced over the man’s shoulder and saw his brother, looking pathetic as ever and cowering into the arm of the chair when he met Sebastian’s gaze. “I was out. Reen and I went to a movie. Sev was supposed to tell you.”_

_“Oh, Severin told me where you were alright.” The man pulled him away from the wall only to shove him back into it. Sebastian hissed in pain and glared at his father. “He told me you were with that faggot again.”_

_“His name’s Jim,” Sebastian spat. He vaguely saw his father’s fist and suddenly his was falling to the ground, cracking his head on the stairs and having his vision pinpoint._

_Jim waited out in the car, cringing every time he heard a shout or a thud. He’d taken to shaking and looking for some kind of distraction. He smiled faintly as he found an old GI Joe doll wearing dog tags that were too big for it in the glove compartment. Sebastian’s childish handwriting had scrawled his name in sharpie over the smooth metal. He shook his head but jumped as the door was suddenly opening. He relaxed when he saw his boyfriend, sliding up into the seat again. However, this changed when he saw the blood and the tears, the way that Sebastian’s shirt was stretched all out of shape. Sebastian never cried. Not since he broke his arm and before that it had been with his first boyfriend._

_“Sebby…” He breathed, reaching over to trace a thumb over a large gash on Sebastian’s forehead. “You can’t drive. You probably have a concussion.”_

_Sebastian shook his head. “I’m fine. You can do whatever you want once we get back.” He threw a bag in the backseat._

_“Seb…” Jim said, looking at the bag and his boyfriend worriedly._

_“He kicked me out. I fucking told him about us and he kicked me out. I didn’t have a defense. Severin had practically already told him. I’ll come get the rest of my shit tomorrow while they’re gone. I’ll be out of your hair by Sunday evening,” he said. He was the perfect picture of contained rage and confusion and worry al bundled in one._

_“Bash,” Jim breathed, running a hand down Sebastian’s face and feeling every bruise and cut. “I love you. You will stay with me until you’re certain you can rent a decent flat, you hear me?” he growled out, looking at Sebastian sternly. “I love you. I love you. I love you.”_

_Sebastian finally let out a broken sob, clutching at Jim’s hand on his cheek and crying for a solid ten minutes while Jim simply sat there, stroking Sebastian’s hair or face or thigh or chest._

_“We’ve got to go home, ‘Bastian. Let’s go home. To our home,” Jim breathed when Sebastian stopped crying. “You’re safe. Let’s go home.”_


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry I haven't updated! They will come more frequently now. This last few months of school have really been handing my ass to me so I haven't been as committed to this. And I'm running out of ways to torture him. If you have suggestions, leave them in the doobly do.

“Mr. Moran, you have quite the track record,” Mycroft hummed a week later. Sebastian hadn’t seen Severin since his twin had left and honesty didn’t give a damn. Severin was the reason he was here and Jim was dead. “Your wounds are coming along quite nicely,” the man continued, glancing over Sebastian’s green and blue body. “Glad to see the injections and medical liquids helped with the cuts. We weren’t quite sure. You may have a visitor later in the form of a doctor to ask you questions about side effects.”

“What the fuck do you want, Holmes?” Sebastian snarled, glaring at him and watching like a caged animal who was wary of the next attack, which he honestly was at this point.

“I want to know just how water affects this tiger,” Mycroft mused, shutting the folder and staring at Sebastian. The sniper’s heart started to race immediately, though he kept it hidden. “So I decided to find out. Brutus, move him into the next room. Put a bag over his head first.”

Sebastian Moran had few triggers. He could listen and discuss or watch or read just about anything pertaining to war and death and abuse and violence. Nothing really mattered to him about it. He’d become callous to it all. In bed, he’d used the safe word only once and with a bed partner like James Moriarty, this was quite the accomplishment. However, not being able to see and being near water was not something that he ever wanted to repeat. He still had issues raising his face to the shower spray. Jim wasn’t allowed to blindfold him. Waterboarding was Sebastian’s darkest shadow and the main reason he still had nightmares.

And here he was, a bag being wrangled over his head. “Mycroft I will fucking end you! Don’t you fucking dare.  You fucking piece of shit!” Sebastian snarled, fighting slightly as he was hauled to his feet. He stopped struggling when he felt a familiar touch, a pressure point that would easily render him paralyzed.

“Go on, then, ya’ filthy mutt,” Mycroft’s goon growled, shoving Sebastian out of the door and into another. Concrete, he was guessing, from the way it got colder. He couldn’t even hear his own breaths from the way his blood was pounding in his ears, though he knew he was panting from the rapid, erratic rise and fall of his chest.

“You know what this is like. I can tell. You’ve gone through this before. Don’t make me relive this hell,” Sebastian begged.

He really started to panic when he was shoved into another chair and quickly tied down. He knew he had to slow down his breathing, knew he had to take deep breaths and retain as much air as possible but he couldn’t. A towel was tied over his face. The chair tilted back. Sebastian got goosebumps over his feverish skin when the back of his neck was suddenly in contact with the cold metal of some kind of basin, he was assuming. The door banged open and his head twitched around to ‘stare’ at the other man.

“What is the big bad tiger scared of?” Mycroft hummed in his stupid posh accent. Sebastian had thought he was done with those when he got out of Eton, but Jim reintroduced them, though there were plenty of rough accents too to make up for it.

“Nothing, you piece of shit!” Sebastian spat. Suddenly water washed over his face. His mouth had been open so most of what got through leaked into his mouth while the towel suctioned to every hole for air as he gasped for the life giving substance. He sputtered and there was enough time for him to almost catch his breath before another bucket was dumped over him.

_Jim was…_

Water.

_It was summertime…_

Water.

_At Jim and Sebastian’s first party as uni…_

Water.

No memory was sticking with this torture he was being put through. He kept getting jolted back to the present, kept losing his sight, his lungs, his hearing as bucket after bucket was poured over him. He just kept falling further and further away from sanity until he was at the bottom of a well with water and fire and claws and razors and bullets and bombs and cufflinks and pills and syringes and ties being dropped on him for hours.

~ ~ ~

Sebastian woke up, the world blurry to puke then blacked out as more water was poured over him.

~ ~ ~

Again, his stomach churned and water and bile dribbled down his chin, quickly washed away by the next dose of hell.

~ ~ ~

The third time, Sebastian was pressed to the floor of the room, already coughing so badly that blood had made a puddle under his cheek. He blacked out again when he saw Brutus lift up his head to dab a towel to his face.

~ ~ ~

When he finally came to, Sebastian was back in his own room. He was laying on the military cot in the corner, new, clean, dry clothes on his shivering body. A bottle of water sat on the end table and Sebastian shied away from it, like he’d shied away from dogs after he and Jim had been attacked by one walking home from the park one day.

A note was propped against the bottle and Sebastian hesitantly reached out to grab it. _You will not win, Mr. Moran_ , it said. _We know exactly how to break you. This was just the first thing we read about you. Just from your military file. Imagine what Moriarty’s intelligence has told us. Sleep well, darling. You won’t do so for a long time now. -MH_


	8. Chapter 8

_Sebastian turned his face up into the spray of the shower, washing away the grime from practice. He really needed to find a better sport to be inexplicably good at. He shook his hair off as his shoulder was nudged._

_“Eh, Moran, you and Moriarty are gettin’ pretty serious, right?” Reynolds asked, toweling off his hair. Sebastian cocked his head at him and shrugged._

_“I guess. I mean, it’s been two years. I don’t plan on breaking up with him any time soon so…” He shrugged again, rubbing soap through his hair and ducking under the water._

_“Does he know you were accepted into the military?” Trevor asked, appearing suddenly in the shower next to Sebastian. Sebastian said nothing. “Mate, you’ve gotta tell ‘im eventually. You can’t just leave ‘im. Don’t wanna go on a sour note, ya’ know?”_

_“Just fucking shut up, the both of you!” Sebastian snapped, hitting the wall hard. “He’s my fucking boyfriend and it’s my fucking deployment. I’ll deal with the both as I see fit. Now, if you will, I have a very attractive boy waiting in my very attractive car to get back to our very attractive flat.” He turned off the water and quickly dried off, pulling on shorts and a shirt, grabbing his bag and leaving._

“You’ll sit here,” Mycroft snapped, shoving Sebastian into a seat as Brutus quickly tied the blond up.

“Is your name really Brutus? Stupid either way. The most famous betrayer after Judas,” Sebastian tsked. “Stupid to hire you if it’s real, stupid to give it to you if it isn’t.”

“It’s jus’ my feckin’ name, ya’ piece of shite,” the man growled, tugging particularly hard on the restraints. “I was a big baby, so I ga’ a big name.”

“Whatever,” Sebastian scoffed, rolling his eyes and staring at the screen in front of him. “What’s this, Holmes? Gonna make me watch shit telly?”

Mycroft chuckled darkly, wrapping his fingers around the handle of his umbrella. “You’ll remember that during your dear boss’ game with my brother, he disappear for a few weeks. You seemed to hit a block no matter what you did, correct?” He paused for only a moment before continuing. “This was recorded then.” He poked the power button on with his umbrella and turned to leave.

Sebastian watched him warily before turning to the screen. Jim was in civilian clothes and, even in these circumstances, Sebastian grinned widely, sadness at bay. He’d watched their videos, looked at their pictures before, seeing him didn’t hurt as much. “There? You’re sure I’m speaking there?” Jim asked, looking at the camera. The next bit was fast forwarded but Sebastian could tell what it said and it made his heart ache. _He’ll never see this, right? And you’ll not hurt him if I do this_. “Sebastian Augustus Moran. Born September 18, 1976. He’s 35 as I record this, but that’s subject to change if I don’t kill him before September. Wake me up when September ends, right?” He gave a giggle, obviously lost in his own mind. “He likes that song, that band. Don’t know why. Noise is all they are.” He took a deep breath and continued, looking back to the screen from the floor to which he’d been telling his ramblings. “What can I say about Sebastian Augustus Moran? He’s the best shot in the entire world, I’ve checked. He’s relatively quick in the wits department, Eton educated.” Lies. Sebastian’s father and brother had been Eton educated. Not him. But, Jim had made it look like he had. “He likes to watch rugby still. Nearly needed a prosthetic leg after getting caught in an explosion in Afghanistan. Won’t tell me the name of his doctor though.” He sighed and shook his head. “And I don’t care about him at all.”

Sebastian’s heart stopped. His blood ran cold. His legs started shaking. Throat closed. Eyes burning.

“He’s a sentimental bastard, isn’t he? Always hoping. Doesn’t care what I say. Took so much pity on him that I eventually just started saying it back. Oh, no, my tiger and I are not lovers. He loves me but that’s it. Human error.” He stared right at the screen and Sebastian had to squeeze his eyes shut. _Think, think, think, Moran_! he shouted at himself.

_“Can you keep us on the road, Sebby?” Jim asked halfway home. Sebastian glanced over at Jim with a raised eyebrow. His hair was still wet from his shower, sitting heavy like a constant reminder of his inevitable betrayal._

_“I’ve not crashed us yet…” he said slowly, searching Jim’s face. He missed Jim’s hand snaking around to his shorts, pulling the blond’s cock out and stroking it once._

_“You should start wearing boxers all the time if you don’t want sex,” the brunet hummed as he gave Sebastian a shit eating grin._

_“Jesus, Jim,” he breathed while his grip tightened on the wheel. He could do this. He was a fantastic driver. Always had been._

_Then Jim leaned down and began the best blowjob of Sebastian’s life. It was hard and fast immediately and Sebastian’s jaw fell-_

An electric shock quickly jolted Sebastian back into the real world. “If you think we haven’t noticed how you distance yourself, you’re wrong.” Mycroft’s smug, condescending tone echoed around the room from a PA speaker. “You’ll continue the video.”

“This is against a dead man’s wish!” Sebastian shouted to the ceiling.

“Then he can’t hurt us. Mr. Moran, please realize that superstitions are silly things created only to scare the living until they’re essentially dead.”

The video continued

“I’m almost worried one day I’ll go too far and actually kill him when I’m choking him, kinky bastard, and then I remember that I just don’t care. He’s only good at being a body guard because he loves me and I can get anyone to do that. Stockholm Syndrome and what not,” he mused, losing interest and looking to the ground again. He must have been drugged. That was the only logical reason he’d say things like this, act like this. “I really knew when, a few years into his employment, I found a letter among his things. A letter to return to the military and I was thrilled that they’d get the chance to kill him again.” Lies! He and Jim had argued for weeks about that stupid fucking letter that Sebastian should have just burned. The only issue was that every time he crumbled it up to throw it away, he’d grab it again, straighten it out and set it back on his table in his own room. His extra room at any rate.

_“Sebastian, what the hell is this?!” Jim cried as Sebastian came around the corner to his room, carrying beers and cokes and old take out. He froze as he realized what he’d left out on his endtable. It shouldn’t have mattered. No one ever came in here._

_Sebastian took a deep breath and threw the food onto the unused bed. “Jim, listen to me. It’s all I’m good at. All I’m good for. I’ve been training since I was, like, 8. You_ know _that…”_

_“When the fuck were you planning on telling me, Moran?!” Jim shouted, waving the papers at Sebastian’s face._

_“When I graduated. It wouldn’t spoil the rest of our year, but it’d be enough time for it to sink in before I left,” Sebastian admitted slowly._

_“And-and-and you weren’t even going to fucking ask me on my opinion?! All this ‘I love you so fucking much’ bullshit and you fucking spring this on me?! You don’t even fucking spring it. I had to find out on my own, you rat fucking bastard!” Jim was screaming and red in the face. The papers were crumpling in his hands and Sebastian almost reached forward to take them._

_“I do love you so much!” Sebastian shouted back, quickly stepping forward to hold Jim’s face between both his hands. “Jimmy, listen to me,” Sebastian commanded gently, stroking his thumbs over Jim’s cheek bones. “You’ve always told me to do what I wanted and needed to do for myself, for us. This is what I need, what we need.”_

_“This isn’t what I meant,” Jim whimpered, going lax in Sebastian’s hold. Tears brimmed at his eyes._

_“I’m on the fast track to nowhere. I’m not good at anything. I’m not smart like you, schools aren’t even offering me full ride scholarships for rugby. If I stay here, I’m gonna get some stupid fucking nine-to-five desk job. There’s only a possibility that I’ll get shot going over there and there’s a hundred percent chance that I’ll kill myself here,” Sebastian said, letting his hands fall to Jim’s shoulders._

Another electric shock zapped through the man and the video began again. “He’s an idiot for trying, really. For not being able to see. He’d tried to hold me every night and I’d pretend it was someone else. Someone who could keep up with me. Someone better.” Sebastian choked on the extra saliva in his mouth. He wanted to be sick, to pass out, anything. His eyes and throat burned with the promise of tears and his nose was twitching. “I don’t know if he’s noticed that I don’t say his name anymore when he’s fucking me. I don’t really say anything because I’m scared it won’t be his name.” No! Jim always said his name! Always. “It’s a pity. He really could have been a great man. If I hadn’t framed him to get him discharged.” Jim stopped and looked up, above the camera. “Oh, did you not know that that was why your highest ranked soldier fucked up so badly? He really didn’t. I made it look like that, though. I needed a good gun on the roof and he was the best. I _only_ get the best.” He sighed, smoothed his hair and continued. “He wants a family and he’d be a great father but he fell in love with me and that was that. I simply won’t take one and he can’t expect anything now. Without me, he’s nothing. I’ve made him entirely dependent and as soon as I’m gone he’ll be the lowest of lows.” The video caught and then went black. Sebastian took a deep, shuddering breath and shook his head.

_“Why don’t you want me? Why won’t you stay with me?” Jim asked with wide eyes. “I love you. And you said you love me too so why won’t you stay with me?!” He clutched desperately at Sebastian’s larger hand with both of his and kissed the inside of his wrist. “I take everything back. I want you to stay and I want you to go to some university that I can go to and I want to keep living together and I want to use your toothbrush and wake up with you! Sebby, we had it all planned out.”_

_“Jimmy, baby, it’ll all happen, just a little bit later. I love you, okay? But I can’t possibly support you here. I’ll send you my paycheck and you’ll be okay here, you’ll be comfortable and I’ll be able to sleep at night,” Sebastian explained in a rush, pulling Jim into a tight hug. He relaxed when Jim squeezed back. At least the boy wasn’t wanting to leave him yet._

_“What happens if you get…frustrated and some soldier with a nice arse is walking by or someone looks like me and you just need to get off? What happens if you go into town and get a bit drunk and forget about me?” Jim asked, looking up at him with wide eyes, still clutching Sebastian’s hand._

_“That’s never going to happen, baby. You are my one and only, okay?” Sebastian said, moving his free hand to Jim’s hair and massaging his scalp like the brunet liked. “It’s just you and me against the rest of the world, right? I’m never leaving you and I’m never going to hurt you.”_

_“I’m hurting right now, Seb!” Jim cried, pressing his face into Sebastian’s chest. A moment passed where they just held onto each other before he spoke again. “I don’t condone this, just so you know,” Jim sniffled, not moving from Sebastian’s chest. “But it’s your decision and I promised to stand behind you so I will. Because I’m a good fucking boyfriend unlike others. But don’t expect me to be happy about this, you fucking arsehole.”_

_Sebastian let out a long breath and kissed Jim’s dark hair for a long time. Jim’s hands clenched in the back of Sebastian’s shirt. “I love you so fucking much and I will always come back to you,” Sebastian breathed against his lover’s head._

_“I love you and I’ll never leave you, Basher,” Jim whispered back, kissing Sebastian’s chest, right in between his pectorals._


	9. Chapter 9

Sebastian let out another strangulated cry as another cut was added to his chest. This made three, each one right between his ribs. “Why are you doing this?!” he demanded as tears of pain made their way down his face. “I don’t have anything to offer you! Your brother’s destroyed everything we had.”

Mycroft smirked coldly and shook his head. “For a man who’s inherently evil, you don’t get the concept of inflicting pain to just see it.”

Sebastian’s jaw tightened and he jerked slightly in the chair, testing the rope around his wrists. All it added was another layer of skin lost. “For a man who’s supposedly inherently good, you seem to enjoy inflicting pain too much.”

“Let me explain something to you, Sebastian Moran. You have been the bane of my career ever since you got discharged. MI6 couldn’t find you. I couldn’t find you. Your commanders couldn’t find you. And, yet, you kept killing people.” His eyes gleamed at the glare that was shot at him. “Oh, yes, you’re not as sneaky as you seem to think. You’ve got a pattern. No matter how many different ways you kill people, all traces lead back to you. I could take you into court right now and you’d be electrocuted within a week. Or killed in a prison cell. How many of our fine convicts did you and your boss turn your backs on when things went south?”

Sebastian snarled at him, baring his teeth. “If things went south it’s because we planned for them to. We were double crossed or left to fend for ourselves. We don’t take kindly to traitors.”

“Well, now, that’s not your problem anymore, is it?” As the knife was produced again, Sebastian squeezed his eyes shut.

_“I love you. Please, Bastian, you don’t have to do this!” Jim whimpered, practically hanging off of Sebastian by the arms wrapped around his neck._

_The young soldier easily made up for it by wrapping his arms under Jim’s arse and picking him up. “I do, baby. I’m already enlisted. My name is all over those lists. I’ll come home to you, okay? Always.”_

_Jim pressed his forehead to Sebastian’s. “You have to. I don’t want to live without you. I won’t live without you.”_

_“Don’t say that, baby. You’ll be fine. You’ll find yourself some nice young lad to sweep you off your feet if I get blown off mine.”_

_“That’s not funny, Sebastian!”_

_Sebastian grinned, leaning forward to kiss Jim gently. “It was a little bit funny.”_

_“God, these morons have already ruined your sense of humor,” Jim moaned, tightening his fingers in Sebastian’s hair._

_“You hate my sense of humor anyway,” Sebastian pointed out with a laugh._

_“It was better than this.”_

_“Oh, shush.” Sebastian slowly let Jim down, keeping his arms around Jim’s waist. “I love you. And I’ll be back in nine months. No secret babies in that time, okay?”_

_Jim chuckled, sniffling slightly. “I’m gonna get pregnant tonight just to spite you.”_

_“You do that, baby.” Sebastian kissed him again, languidly, finding it harder and harder to part their lips, to stop touching him. This was such a bad idea. He was a fucking idiot. He should never have enlisted. He should just stay here like he was supposed to. “So long as you still have our city under control when I get back.”_

_“You’re sure it’s just gonna be training for now? I’m not going to get you back in a box am I?” The genuine fear in his eyes underscored his light tone._

_Sebastian stroked his fingers down Jim’s cheeks. “I’m coming home to you alive and in one piece. I promise.”_

_An intercom over head announced that Sebastian’s flight would be boarding in ten minutes and Sebastian started to squirm awfully. He bent to kiss Jim again, rougher, more passionate this time. “I love you. I love you. I love you,” he breathed, running his fingers through the other’s dark hair bordering on compulsively, trying to memorize everything about his lover._

_Jim responded easily to the kiss, clutching at the other’s hair and shirt, trying to hold him down. “I love you too, Bastian. Go make me proud, okay? I’ll be waiting right here when I see you again.”_

_Sebastian nodded mutely, simply running his hands over all of Jim as possible. “You’ve got all my pictures, right? And your phone. Look at those before you fall asleep, okay? And call me or skype me or whatever as often as you can. I love you, Bas. No showing off those select few pictures for nights when you’re more…tense than usual else you’re never getting another one in your life.”_

_“Yes, sir,” Sebastian chuckled, tears pricking at his eyes now. “I love you. I’ll always come back.” He was met halfway as Jim kissed him, hooking his fingers around Sebastian’s jaw. “You be good for me, baby.”_

_Jim nodded, pressing their foreheads together. “We’ll be okay, Bash. We will. It’ll be fine.” He was just reiterating words that Sebastian had said so many times before._

_“Yeah. I’ll come home and we’ll be fine. Get a normal job. Maybe a mechanic or something so I can keep using my hands. You’ll be running London by then.”_

_Jim smiled and nodded. “’Course, Bastian. And for any of that to happen, you have to come back to me.”_

_“I will always come back to you, Jimmy. Nothing’s ever going to change that. I love you too much to waste any time. If you’re alive, I’m coming home to you. I refuse to die if we can still spend time together.”_

_“And I’ll always be here waiting for you. I’m holding you to your word, soldier. You better keep it.” Jim smiled up at him, kissing him one last time as the announcement came for Sebastian to board. “I love you.”_

_“I love you too, baby.”_


End file.
